Mind over matter
by Jellicos
Summary: What if there was just one thing that could make you feel?[MMHG]
1. Chapter 1

This is what happens when you're up at six in the morning and just can't sleep.  
It's just a dabble, nothing serious.

**Mind over matter**

There's something about her that I just can't seem to get out of my head.

Every time I close my eyes I see her.

I want to cry, to scream at the top of my lunges, Instead I just sit there. All day, every day, I got through the same motion.

The hard part is waking up. To realise that I'm still here, that this is still my life. The rest of the day I'm not even there.

No one seems the wiser. I go to class, I chat with my friends and I watch them practice. I've become quite good at reacting in the right moment, nodding when I'm supposed to, cheering when they score a goal that I don't even notice.

The best part about being Head Girl is that I'm pretty much free to do what I like and go where I want.

So when I walked out into the rain in the middle of the night, none of them knew.

Somehow the cold rain, drenching every inch of my clothing seems to fit with the dull ache in my chest. The sight of the pouring rain hitting the surface of the lake must be beautiful, but I don't se it. The ache in my chest seems to render me both numb and blind.

I notice that my body shivers as the water sinks through my robes and shills my skin. I assume it's cold and that is why my body shivers. I wouldn't know. My mind and my body separated a while ago and I really don't know what it's doing anymore.

It's not that I really care. It's not like it matters, it's just an observation.

Just like I observe the fact that my body has decided to lie down on the wet grass. I don't argue. I don't care. I think the straws sting my cheek as it rests on the lawn, but I'm not sure.

I want to cry. I want to scream at the top of my lunges.

Instead I lay there.

The rain is almost like tears, right?

For a moment I wonder if my body would react to the lake. It must be cold at this time of year. But I'm too tired to find out. For some reason my eyes are closing and I fall asleep, hearing instead of feeling, the rain drops hitting my face.

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The light makes me uncomfortable. It turns the dull ache into reality.

Why has the rain stopped?

As I open my eyes to find out, I realise that I'm not outside by the lake anymore. Briefly I wonder if it matters that I can't distinguish the feel of a lawn from the hospital bed I'm in.

I decide it doesn't matter. I must be in the hospital wing. Everything is white and the light is hurting my eyes.

Someone is talking to me. The nurse. Madame Pomfry. I suppose I should nod, so I do. She looks worried, so I drink the potion she gives me. I wonder what it tastes like, but my mind doesn't register anything when I empty the bottle in one sip.

I think she's still talking, but I'm not sure. Instead I wonder how she manages to keep the bed linen so white. I guess that really doesn't matter, so I lay down again.

I don't know when she left my side. I though for a moment if I should ask her to make he something to remove the dull ache in my chest, but when I turned she was gone.

Oh, well.

There are cards and candy on the nightstand. I look at them for a moment and wonder if the words on the front of them should have any meaning to me.

There are voices at the door. Angry voices. I don't think I would have cared or even noticed if one of these voices hadn't cut through my chest like a dagger.

Well, what do you know? Something my body feels is registered.

"I swear, if you do not let me in Poppy…!" It's the dagger voice.

Then there are the steps. The ones that make that dull ache in my chest claw the inside of my heart.

And everything turns green.

It's interesting how my whole world changes colour as she steps into it. I'm lost in her eyes and there is nothing but green. Sweet, beautiful, pain striking, emerald green.

"How are you feeling Ms. Granger? You gave us quite a startle." There is concern in the green. She's speaking to me. I should answer.

"I'm sorry professor." I wonder if that's what she wants to hear.

Suddenly, every inch of my body is in a state of panic. It wants to run away, it wants to hide. It wants to protect itself. I don't move.

I let her sit on the edge of my bed and I ignore the screams of panic from the piercing pain in my chest. The screams that are begging me to leave. To run away before the pain grows deeper.

I shut of the screams. I shut them down like I shut everything else down.

The only thing left is the feeling in my chest which is usually a dull ache. When she's in sight it turns into this piercing pain. And this is all I can feel at this moment. This is all I se. Only the piercing pain in my chest, and the green.

She's talking to me. She looks worried.

I should say something. Explain what I was doing out in the rain.

"Ms. Granger?" The green is fading. I realise that I've closed my eyes, so I open them again.

Should I say something?

I wonder what makes birds fly sometimes. That's not relevant I realise. But then again, I don't know if there is anything that's relevant.

"Ms Granger?"

The green is hurting me, but I need it. I need it more than anything. I'm somewhat aware that my body is fighting me that it wants away from the green. But I'm also aware that it has no saying in the matter.

There's a hand on my shoulder.

"Ms. Granger!" I look up to the source of the green. Did she say something?

"Yes?" I conclude that she must have been calling me.

My body is screaming. The heat from the hand on my shoulder is hurting it. I don't care.

The green is worried now. I recognise the emotion. I think I've seen it in my friends these past months.

I should really say something.

I want to cry. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want her to know what she's doing to me. I want the pain to stop and I want to tell her why it's there.

I just lie there. My body doesn't care what I want.

"Can you get me something for the pain in my chest Professor McGonagall?"


	2. Chapter 2

I stare at the moving picture for hours. At least it seems like hours, I can't tell time very well these days. It's strange really.

It's a picture of a girl. She doesn't look that good. Her eyes are rimmed with dark circles, her hair is standing on end and she's so very pale. She looks strange, a sort of vacant expression in her eyes.

"Ms. Granger? Are you done with the mirror?" The nurse is talking to me again. She's pointing at the picture in my hands so I give it to her. "Your friends are waiting outside; they've been waiting to see you for days." My friends? I've started to pick up a few words, but they usually don't make much sense to me. I try to register the words she just spoke. My friends? And as three heads find their way into my field of vision, the words start to make sense. Unruly black hair and messy red hair. My friends.

They stand by my bedside and there is concern in their eyes. He's got green eyes as well, the boy with the black hair. Harry has green eyes. But their colour doesn't turn my world green, or makes the ache in my chest go wild. They're just green. A concerned green.

The red is bright. But the blue eyes are not. The blue is easier on my eyes, even though I just decided I'm not very fond of blue.

They are talking to me, Harry and Ron. I'm not entirely sure what they are saying. I should probably pay closer attention, but I can't find it in me to care.

I just want that green back. Even if it hurts more than I can bear, I want it back.

Then something catches my attention. Her name.

"…McGonagall says you'll have to stay here for a few more days." I look up at the source of the words, the black-haired boy who just spoke her name.

"Where is she?" It hurts my throat to talk.

"Who? McGonagall?" The blue-eyed boy gives me a glass of water. I kind of like it when my throat hurts. Then I know that it's really there. But I take a sip of the lukewarm liquid anyway. And I nod. I want the black-haired boy to tell me.

"She's talking to Dumbledore at the moment, but she'll be back any moment." I look up at him and he looks at the other boy. I wonder if either boy ever combs his hair.

"She's been in here a lot since you got sick." I look over at the red-haired boy who's started speaking. It takes me a while before I understand them, but I'm starting to grasp what they are saying now.

"Yeah, she's either in here or in Dumbledore's office. She hasn't been teaching for a week." I look back at the green-eyed boy, Harry. I look back at Harry. He's Harry Potter, my friend and the seeker in the Gryffindor team. And he's saying that she's been to see me and that she hasn't been teaching.

"Ron." I look over at the fiery red hair, the freckles and the blue, watery eyes.

"Yes?" There's something I don't quite grasp in his eyes. Something vivid and sparkling. Then he turns away. They both turn away, towards the door. There are footsteps. I know those footsteps. At once my chest starts bleeding and I fear that if I don't told it tight with my arms it might burst and soil the very white linen.

"Potter. Weasly." The dagger voice calls out as the footsteps die out halfway to my bed. The boys look at me -and I register their worry- before they turn and walk towards the dagger voice.

There are whispers and mumbles, as well as a fourth set of footsteps that move to the same spot. It is Madame Pomfry´s footsteps. They are talking and I brace myself to meet the green.

Two sets of footsteps disappear out the doors. The boys are gone. Ron and Harry have left the hospital wing.

The other two voices are still talking. Then I jump.

"Minerva, you cannot be serious!" The nurse is shouting her name. But she's hushed down. I guess I'm not supposed to hear this. But I do hear another sentence, because the nurse seems angry for some reason. "I don't care what Dumbledore says!" Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts. Hogwarts, that's where I am, at my school. In a hospital bed.

The nurse has calmed down; her voice is soft even if I can't tell what she's saying.

Then there are footsteps again. One pair walking away, but the other is heading right to my bed. Those are her footsteps. And in a matter of seconds, my world has turned green again.

"Ms Granger, would you come with me please?" Her soft voice is ringing in my mind. The concerned green is flowing through my every vein. I don't know how, but somehow my body has pulled itself of the bed and is standing beside it. She wraps my robes over my body and walks me out of the hospital wing.

I don't know how, I don't know why, but I'm walking across the castle beside her. My body is moving on its own accord, I have little to say in the matter. But as long as the world is green I really don't care about anything else. If I turn my head to my left I can see her. She's slightly taller than I am, but I think every one is. I always wondered how she gets that bun on her head to stay so neat and tidy.

I realise that we've stopped. I also realise that I don't know the room we're in. It's nice though. It's warm, pleasant and very tidy.

"I thought you could use some time away from the hospital wing." She's speaking to me. "These are my private quarters." I must look confused, because she smiles. My chest hurts! I grab it in panic and she notices this as well.

"Over here Hermione, sit down on the sofa." Her hands guide me to the sofa and I sit. Tears are welling up in my eyes. Tears! I'm crying. The pain is excruciating. Her hands burn my skin; my chest opens up in new flesh wounds. And I let go. I hear sobs and I realise that they are mine. And I can almost feel the tears running down my cheeks.

"Make it stop." I think it's my voice. Those are my thoughts at least. "The pain, please make it stop." Such an odd voice, so fragile and so heart wrenching. But the pain doesn't stop. Because in that moment she's sitting beside me and she's pulled me into her arms. It hurts so much that I start to panic; I want to pull away, far away. But I can't. My body deceives me. It likes the closeness, the warmth and the comfort.

I cry. I cry until there's no more left to cry for. Until my mind is as empty as my cheeks are wet. And I feel the salty wetness on my cheeks. I feel her pulling me back at arms length to wipe the tears of my cheeks with her hands. I can feel her hands.

The world is green and she's stroking my cheek.

There are tears in her eyes as well. I'm not sure why, but instinctively I reach out and wipe them away with my hand. She's smiling again, and my chest is aching.

"How are you feeling?" She asks me.

"My chest hurts." I tell her.

"Yes, you told me so." She's looking at me, and there's this strange emotion in the green now. I really don't know what it is. "Do you know what it is?

"Pain." I state this as clearly as possible. Would she ever know what I mean?

"What's causing this pain?" Her hand is stroking my hair. Her voice is soft and the green seems to intensify with the rising emotion in her eyes.

"You are." She stops stroking my hair, her hand resting there as she looks at me.

"I am?" There is one emotion I can recognise in the green. It's confusion. It's new, but I can remember it.

"Yes."

"Why is that Hermione?" Has she stopped calling me Ms Granger? I think I like this much better. Her hand is resting on my cheek now. I think she wants to make sure that I look at her. She doesn't seem to realise that I'd never look away from that green if I had the choice.

"Because I love you, and it hurts." I say these words as if they are common knowledge, like they have no real power any more. And in a way I guess that's true. I doubt that my heart would even notice more pain now. Whatever where to happen as I utter these words could not make things more painful. And suddenly I can see it. As the words are uttered I recognise that intense emotion in my green world. As I reveal my own love, I can see hers.

"Hermione…" She whispers my name. I love her. She whispers my name and she loves me too.

The green comes closer and then it's gone. She's closed her eyes, but for the first time as long as I can remember, I do not miss my green world. I do not miss or think anything. Because her lips are brushing up against mine and all I can feel are the sensations that echoes in my entire body. I feel. My whole body is bursting into life. It's blooming at the touch of her hands on my cheek and around my waist. And the lips touching mine, her tongue gently touching my lower lip and I think I might swallow her as I open my mouth to her. My head is spinning, my toes are tingling and in between the rest of my body seems to be doing acrobatic exercises. I can smell her scent, I taste her lips, and every one of my senses is focused and is registering every single thing about her.

I pull her closer and I feel her body against my own. The heat from her flesh, the scent of her skin, I feel it all.

Slowly she pulls away from me. I realise I too need to breath. I watch her, she's smiling. The ache is almost gone and the green is more vivid than ever.

She's still holding me. Her arms linger around my waist and she allows my hands to slide down from her neck to rest on her arms.

"I love you too Hermione. I know I shouldn't but I do." Her voice is deep and sincere and this time it's my turn to smile.

"Thank you Minerva." It's no more than a whisper, but there are so many strong emotions in my body that a whisper is all it takes.

"For what?" She asks as she leans in to resume the kiss.

"For giving me something for the pain I my chest." I whisper before closing the small gap between us. As our lips meet again, the ache is gone.


End file.
